Wednesday Night - A Josiah Update

Hi Everyone

Marie, Josiah and I have had a pretty good day. I've been working on a baptism class lesson for the last hour or so and I think Marie's been able to hold Josiah during that time (at least, that was going to be the plan).

We've had a good day as a family, spending time beside Josiah, enjoying him, playing with him, comforting him and so on. He's been sleeping a lot better over the last couple of weeks, which is probably partly do to the fact he's been needing less suctioning (managing his secretions better) and has been d-sating less. I'm waiting for a doctor's opinion on my thoughts, but this could be a signal that he is merely adjusting to life on a respirator or that his swallowing mechanics are kicking in (something that the doctors fear is missing).

Marie and I were able to join Daniella & Mark (a family here in the NICU with us) for supper at their parents' place tonight. It was a great time, a night filled with lots of laughter and great food, an enjoyable time that wasn't too far away from Josiah so that Marie could have fun for a while.

A lyric has been running through my head today and yesterday (when is music NOT running through my mind?!): "I'm a believer, help me believe." It really sums how I've been feeling over the last couple of days. I've been mulling over and over (without every reaching a conclusion, really) questions like,

What is faith?
How is it measured?
When do you have enough?
What is prayer?

You know, those basic questions that float to the surface any time you are willing to stare a crisis in the face.

A thought really hit me: I'm always praying for little things like "Dear God, please don't let me get lost driving around Vancouver" or "Please God protect my bag that I accidently left in the open!" and every time I pray I believe 100% without any doubt or second-thought that God will answer the prayer. Why, then, do I pray with - what seems like - less faith when it comes to praying for Josiah's healing?

Praying "as the Lord wills" comes off as noble, stoic, and selfless, but to be honest I usually pray "as the Lord wills" to protect myself from heart ache in case God doesn't heal Josiah. Now that's kind of silly: Josiah is much closer to God's heart than my driving ability and my wallet, so if God answer my most simple prayers, won't he also answer the prayers that are close to his heart as well as mine? Marie had similar sentiments today, but I'll let her share her thoughts on her own blog entry :)

So yeah, praying. Faith. Healing. Sigh. That's what's on the mind these days. Hard, eh? We're so scared to see Josiah with a trache, but I believe in God's perfect timing:

• Josiah came at the right time (35 weeks) - he was strong enough and developed enough to face the trials in the weeks ahead, and further was removed from the womb which potentially could have become toxic to him (and Marie) since there was a lot of his urine in the amniotic fluid
• Josiah was born early, but at a great size - any smaller (if he came at a 'typical' preemie weight) he probably wouldn't have been able to survive because his trache would have been so small
• Josiah's symptoms could have been much worse - his respiratory abnormalities could be more devasting, he could have more severe neurological problems, suffer from rectal issues typical to PHS and so on
• Josiah has been rescued from his two self-extubations, both which could have resulted in his death or at minimum serious injury

God's perfect timing. I believe - Oh dear God help me believe - that God is about to do something amazing with Josiah. God is his only hope, not a trache. Please pray that God will heal Josiah and draw glory to Himself.

Thanks to Rose E., Trina & Timmy U., and Rob D. for dropping by to visit us today. It was great to see you all!

"I'm a believer, help me believe."

Praying faithfully for more faith.
- Andrew, Marie & Josiah