Happy Birthday Josiah

2nd Birthday, February 16th 2009

Another year further, another year closer.

I don't often write to Josiah, but this is just how my words were coming tonight.


Josiah ...

... we miss you.

Through crying eyes I remember our happiness and the joy you were in our lives. Glimpses of you live on in your sister; we have begun to see you in her face. We tell her about you often. You would have been so proud of her, you would have been a great older brother. Though I know the waiting is good and right, I can't wait for you to meet her one day.

Your birthday has come quietly this year, though we can feel the sorrow and angst deep in our souls. It's hard to be grateful when milestones such as these hurt more than they heal. I wish that I could honor you with happiness today, but I can only give you tears.

I can't believe this is your third birthday without you with us. Three birthdays in heaven, two on earth.

Stopping to remember feels like saying good-bye all over again.  I wish remembering didn't hurt so bad.

I wish that thinking about your smile wouldn't make me cry. I wish I could remember your gentleness without weeping out of control. I wish that I could recall your strength, courage, and temperment with just pride, and not with all this sadness that overcomes me. Your laughter, your touch, your love. I miss the all these things about you. You are worth remembering, Josiah. Always. But son, you gotta know it breaks my heart so badly. Lament somedays is the only way I can show how much I love you.

Josiah, you are our treasure that God shared with us, with many. You were such an incredible gift, a gift that continues to move and shape me. A gift that has remained at the very center of my heart. And I long to have you in my arms again.

Josiah, we love you, we're proud of you, we're so glad that you are our son.


Love, your Daddy